Constant state of flux

Alright well I have decided I am going to give up coffee.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I think caffeine really isn't doing good things for me. I am just so damn stressed out all of the fucking time, I have this feeling that the 8+ cups of coffee and 4-8 shots of espresso I have been drinking a day just add stress to my poor poor adrenal gland. Sometimes lately I have been feeling shaky.

So now I am going to have to figure out how to go about slowly weaning myself away from those tasty toasted beans and the wonderful concoctions that are brewed from such. I could start by just drinking more tea (I do already) but that just doesn't provide that kick I so crave. Also having brew pots full of fair trade organic coffee lying so readily accessible on a daily basis isn't really going to make my abstaining any easier. Then again I was able to ditch the whole booze thing without that much effort, and I had a fridge full of beer when I did, so far that has lasted well almost 15 months now. Hell even when I stopped smoking, I did so the day after I had bought an entire carton. I cannot remember exactly what I did with the extra packs, maybe hereNT got some free smokes who knows.

I just know I should probably quit before I get even more stressed out than I currently am, that might not be possible. In the last few months I have probably been as stressed as I ever have been, more than I had even thought possible. Partly because instead of just working in kitchens I have started running the damn things, that for sure has been more to think about. Most likely the divorce and the emotional strain has had more to do with it. I before could at least have taken some solace in knowing that no matter how convoluted and insane my work life got, things at home were always at least stable. Now my anchor is pretty much gone, which is for the best or at least it will be eventually. The support system I once had has now been reduced to just relying upon myself. Hence more stress.

So as a short term relief of aforementioned stress, I am going to stop or at least reduce my coffee intake.

Wish me luck.